Would Have Beens
Bless me, Father, for I have lived...
-ahem-
Sorry, old Catholic verse creeping in. I'll give them one thing, the Papists, they do have a knack for cadence—there's a catchy pop-hook in all the more popular bits of Lectionary. Anyhoo, today marks an anniversary that always leaves me feeling accelerated. Hyper, maybe, is a better word. But at the end of the day—at the end of every nostalgic and every immediate burst—it all balances out. For every high, there's a low, for every lofty abstraction there's a concrete anchor to the here-and-now.
Having sufficiently buried the lead in terms of copy and voice, I'll say that today would have been Allen's 47th birthday. Strange to think of him that old. Strange to think of him not here, as well. See what I mean? Antipodal emotions. I wrote about him last year, and it does not seem a year has passed since then. It does not seem that 9 1/2 years have passed since he died. It does not seem we only had a little over two years together in the same house.
It does not seem less than two years since I met Sam. It does not seem fewer than forever, either.
Which just goes to show that Time is best measured by the heart and not the calendar, relative to now, instead of relative to then or relative to the luxury known as “some day”.
Now is forever, and the past is mutable. The future is probably fixed, but unknown, which is tantamount to mutable.
Noodle on that one for a while, and give a nod towards Allen, if you would, and towards everyone you have lost, even towards those who may have lost you.
But, jesus-skateboarding-christ, don't let it disrupt your Now.
Sssssserioussssly.
Comments
GoB: I'm going to re-ask you what Brian asked (though you never answered). "GOB: Why are you so bitter? we've never insulted you in any way!" I'll take it a bit further: You call us "papists" "credulous fools" "intolerant" and so forth. We have never stooped that low. The worst we have done is abbreviate your name. We try to simply explain why we do certain things, but get into your life and up go the accusations (important note: not arguments, but accusations). In fact, when The Green Flash made a rather long comment on this blog of yours, your only words for him were (quote) "You pompous ass!" Now, I can forgive, and I certainly can forget,so I'm not writing (typing?) this for my edification, but for your immortal soul.
May God bless you,
~Bloghogger Joe
Posted by: bloghogger Joe | January 12, 2005 11:44 AM
"homosexuality is a sin". "your relationship isn't valid", "if you got married, you'd be an insult to the rest of us", "you're not natural", "you can't possibly be happy if you don't believe in god", "you're going to hell", "you liberals are <insert derogatory here>".
Shall I go on?
I'm not bitter about the catholics. Trust. My family is still VERY Catholic, they're just better than most catholics in that they actually ascribe to the spirit of catholic religious laws, instead of just the letter of the bible.
Papist can be a neutral term, not just an insult. It's what protestants often call catholics.
Would you prefer "Romanist"?
Posted by: GodOfBiscuits | January 12, 2005 12:20 PM
Happy Birthday to Allen. People like him made the world a better place.
Posted by: Sam | January 14, 2005 06:40 AM
Happy (belated) birthday Allen, I miss you too. I'll never forget our adventure wandering around the city looking for the Hall of Justice. You should have stuck around longer....
Posted by: jeanome | January 15, 2005 01:49 AM
GOB...you're setting up straw men!
Where are you quoting these things from?
"[1]homosexuality is a sin". ".[x]your relationship isn't valid", "[2].if you got married, you'd be an insult to the rest of us", "[3]you're not natural", "[4]you can't possibly be happy if you don't believe in god", "[5]you're going to hell", "[6]you liberals are ".
1.Homosexuality is a sin. That's a fact. But we aren't insulting you by stating that homosexuality is a sin.
2. We never said that.
3.No you are natural, but your actions aren't natural.
4. Well, you can be happy, but you will never be spiritually happy (And being spiritually is better than just being...um, "happy").
5. I'm not God. I can't tell you where you are going after you die. I'm not going to judge you.
6. I don't want to go into politics, but I can say that we never cussed at liberals or anything like that.
x. I don't know what you mean by that?
Numbers 2,3,4, and 5 are completely thought up. Try quoting something we actually said next time.
Posted by: BH brian | January 15, 2005 09:03 AM
Those are called typicals, from both the authors of the blog and the regular peanut gallery there.
You learned a new word this week, didn't you? "Strawman"? You don't even use it correctly here.
Why are you derailing an entry about the remembered death of my partner, Allen?
If he had lived long enough, he and I would have been married by the state of California. We already had a marriage in our own minds & hearts & circle of friends and family.
My partner Sam and I are in love today. Would we be able to be married in San Francisco still, we would be. We may even go to Massachusetts and have it done there.
What do you think of that? And how do you think that such marriages will contribute to the institution of marriage and the betterment of American society?
Answer those for yourself, answer them here if you like, and see how that plays out.
Be honest. Honesty is a Christian value, as well as a given ethic of decent people of any (or no) religion.
Posted by: GodOfBiscuits | January 15, 2005 09:24 AM
I don't read you page as much as I should but................... i know what losing someone you love is even if it is on the other side......... I can feel your pain and I know you have to live for today as each one who had past that we have loved would have wanted us to...... Love to you both. Jessica & Anthony
Posted by: Jessica | February 6, 2005 01:53 AM
I don't read you page as much as I should but................... i know what losing someone you love is even if it is on the other side......... I can feel your pain and I know you have to live for today as each one who had past that we have loved would have wanted us to...... Love to you both. Jessica & Anthony
Posted by: Jessica | February 6, 2005 01:53 AM